she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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