Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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