I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
