Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
