a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Drunk is not a location!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
