First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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