My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
