I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
try to milk me bitch
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
