go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
