i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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