Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
