So drunk, too bad you don't want this
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize