Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
