Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
