apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
