its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
