tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
