i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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