plz talk dirty to me
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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