Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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