I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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