im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
