I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize