I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
