i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
