i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
