But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
