so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
