He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
