she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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