Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
