I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
