It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
