Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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