just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
