he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
