PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
