Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
