what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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