Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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