i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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