I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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