I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
