...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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