I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
