I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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