Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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