Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
