I faked an abortion last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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