You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
