I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
