Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
