you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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