trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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