dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
