Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
