I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
