I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize