She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize