NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The air was thick with penises
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
