i may or may not be watching the land before time
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
love makes seman taste better
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
