Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
