super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
