he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
