Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
