Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
