Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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